So, I’ve realized that when I don’t think about Bryan.. I’m doing really good. But then when something reminds me of Bryan.. or even if I think of him on my own; I’m pretty much screwed. I think thats what I like about the weekends so much, I hang out with people.. drink, we play cards. Or do whatever.. & all of these things keep my mind away from Bryan. But then when I do think of him.. I’m ugh, heartbroken, hurt; everything all over again.

Bryan & I have talked & I guess he’s not “technically” seeing other girls. What I mean by that is they haven’t gone on dates. Thats how I view “seeing other people” as. Sort of. I don’t know. He told me that he does still love me & that he didn’t break up with me for anybody. And that he does see us together, just “farther down the line”. And that he thinks us breaking up was good for the both of us, even if I can’t see it right now. & really, it might be.. its just that nothing has really popped up or happened that has made me realize this.

Maybe.. this is what we need. I know a few couples that have broken up for awhile & saw other people, but then ended up wanting to be back with their ex. A girl I took my college class with went out with a guy for a year or 2 then they broke up mid-junior year, didn’t date at all during her senior year. But now she’s a freshman in college, not even mid-way through & they’re together. MAYBE that’s what will happen with Bryan. Idk, I’m extremely hopeful, I guess. But I just don’t want it to be that long.. I know the more I think about it, the longer its going to seem to be. Especially if it doesn’t happen at all. They say “its better to have loved & lost, then to have never loved at all”. I see that yes its true. But then again does all the happiness you had when you were in love make-up for all the sadness you feel when its over? I don’t regret dating or doing anything I did with Bryan.. don’t get me wrong, its just hard to see the “good” in breaking up.

The girl I was talking about.. she actually attends MCC & her boyfriend goes to UNI. & she plans on transferring to Hawkeye college up in Waterloo & they’re going to get an apartment together. I wish that’s what me & Bryan were doing. =( If he confided in me that it was going to work & everything was going good, I’d definitely transfer up to Hawkeye and find a place with him. Ha, those are only “wishes” tho. Maybe I should have thought about applying for Hawkeye back in high school.

Maybe, maybe, maybe. Everything happens for a reason; but I just can’t seem to find the reasoning for this one. =/ This whole thing with Bryan was so much easier when I had guys texting me all the time. Haha, sad but true.

Who knows. It just seems to be a stop & go game. Just wait and hurry. So confusing..