ok, so.. since my 4 1/2 year relationship, i was involved in another relationship. it lasted about 2 1/2 weeks, but after we broke up, we remained really good friends. so things were good on my end, it kind of bothered me that we hung out so much & were such good friends & nothing more;; but then i didnt really care because we were still hanging out.

..now everything was going great, we were hanging out, calling eachother all the time & then something happened. something i dont really want to post on here, but obviously it made things awkward for this guy. i was okay with it, i was just like “..oops, we’ll move on from it” but apparently it really bothered him. because like 2 days after it happened, he told me that he thought we needed to stop acting like we were dating. at first i didnt really get it, i never looked at it as though we were acting like we were dating, i saw it as us being friends & maybe having the potential of being something more agian someday. but no, this guy thought we should stop acting like we’re dating & just be “friends”. so we talked about it that friday, then we talked on saturday for like 2 minutes on the phone, didnt talk at all sunday or monday, then i called him tuesday. after several times of talking on the phone & then playing phone tag because neither 1 of us picked up when the other would call.. we finally got to talk later that night.

..he said he felt like we acted like we were dating because we hung out pretty much every day & talked on the phone several times a day. which was true, i started to see where he was coming from; because i did talk to & hang out w/ him more than any of my other friends & it was the same for him. but now its thursday & i havent talked to him since.

it REALLY bugs me. how do you go from talking to somebody every single day, not even that; hanging out with them every single day too.. to not talking to them at all? he says we’re still going to be friends & that it won’t be awkward when we DO hang out (if that ever happens), but then why does it seem so awkward that we’re not talking? like, i just wonder if he ever thinks about it like i do. probably not because guys are STUPID but i mean honestly.. sure, i’ll go awhile without thinking about it, but then when i’ve got the chance to actually sit down & think, he’s all i think about. if he asked me, i’d tell him straight up that i do like him, i care for him.. i really do. some people don’t see why, but i dont need other people to see it for me to know.

..mom asked me one time if i thought i loved him; i really & truly don’t. i think i fell in love with our friendship, with the time we spent together. there was rarely ever a dull moment, he always made me laugh. & there were times where we’d sit in the car & it’d kind of be an awkward silence, but even tho it was awkward, i still felt pretty comfortable. i’m not even sure that makes sense, but it does to me. maybe i just liked being with him so much that it didnt matter to me. ughhh idk.

like, i wonder if he even thinks about me any more. he obviously use to because he’d call me quite a few times a day. seriously.. the other day when we did talk on the phone; he texted me first to see if i was awake & i thought to myself, “idc if he even calls me, just that text right there makes me happy to know that he’s at least thinking about me.” that in itself probably sounds pathetic but ughh. idk.

i’m done puting all my forth & effort into trying to make things work with a guy. its dumb that i’m trying my best if he’s not going to do the same. its stupid, i’m done playing games.

 why cant it just be easy?