what i want to say.
mom- thank you so much for the talk we had today.. i needed it; you’re the one that keeps me going, makes me realize why things happen & what i need to do to prepare for what might come. i love you so much. i dont know what i’d honestly do without you. just thought i’d let you know.. bc i dont think i tell you often enough.
jesse- we’ve only been dating for the past 2 1/2 weeks & already, things are amazing with you. i get this amazing feeling when i see that its you calling or you thats texting. i still get this incredible feeling when i get to your appt & you’re outside waiting for me to let me in. i truly can say that i love you & i can really see us having a future together. i love when you talk about how i make you feel & how you want to & can see us together for a long time. i especially loved the one time when you told me, “emily, i can’t promise that i’ll never hurt you.. because i know there’s going to be times when i’m going to do or say something that’s going to hurt you.. but i can promise you that i’ll never intentionally hurt you.” i love when i get those cute lil texts from you that say, “gosh baby, you’re so amazing”, “you make me feel complete”, “you’re my world” or when you just out of the blue text me while i’m at work & say, “i love you”. just lets me know that you’re thinking about me just as much as i’m thinking about you. i hope things continue going great with us; i just really hope that i dont start to take you for granted.. bc thats the last thing i want to do. also, i love how you give me pjs to wear & when i come out of your room wearing them, you look at me with that little cute smile & say, “you look beautiful baby”. its the little things you do & say that mean the most. <3
kay- ughh. why can’t we just talk & be mature? honestly.. come on. we’re 19 years old, we’re not in hs any more. i can honestly say that i’ve been pretty “okay” these past couple weeks not talking to you. but then there’s times when i really get to thinking & i miss you, your friendship, the way we could talk about anything. just everything, the fun we use to have.. the way we could go a week or so without talking at all & then we’d hangout & BAM, everything would be completely normal & it’d be like we had been talking the whole time. i hope someday you can seriously get over this whole ordeal & be okay with me & jesse. you have chris & he ADORES you.. seriously, don’t take something like that for granted. i did, for the longest time.. i took bryan for granted so much; then look what happened.. just think about it. don’t be selfish, seriously.. just take a break & look at everything from the outside. i want us to be friends again, maybe we wont be as good of friends as we use to be right at first.. but we can climb up to that point; & who knows.. maybe someday we will.
everything happens for a reason, no matter what people say.. i truly believe that.
everything happens for a reason, maybe we won’t know why today.. but eventually; it’ll all make sense. <3
things on my mind..
i think i think too much. have i ever said this before? because its so true.
..its 1 in the morning, which means i’m back to keeping myself awake all night just because i think all the time.
they say everything happens for a reason & i’m a BIG believer in this.. i really am. i just don’t get certain things.
i’ve been thinking so much about the past, the present, the future.. just everything. its like i want to live my life day-by-day but technically.. does anybody really do this? isn’t everybody really planning for the future? like.. you go to work, because you know you’re going to have bills that need payed. or you go to school.. because you know eventually you’ll have a better paying job, which will give you the money you need to pay bills. the first house you buy is a big house.. because eventually, in the future.. you’ll need it for your family. you buy a 4door car, with spacious room, because its more convenient..
wow, i dont know. but thats only half of whats on my mind.
to emily:
so kay wrote this “blog” about me.. its adorable. i freaking love her, idk what i’d do without her.. here it is:
To the person who has always been there for me no matter what. Supported me in whatever i do. The only person who texts me every day, even if its just to say hi. The girl who tells me everything even if it might hurt my feelings, but is for my own good. She has never lied to me. Has always kept our SECRETS, secret. The only person i take constructive critiscm from, and used it to my advantage. The only person who i can go out to eat with, but not even eat that much because were too busy talking. The strongest willed girl ive ever met. Shes been done wrong, but shes made herself right out of the situation, no matter what it is. I dont know where i would be without her. During the tough times, shes lifted me up with her good advice. And i know ive done the same for her. The only person i will go to the bathroom with when im drunk. The only person ive ever rode in a car with and pretended markers and bottles were microphones and sung to “no scrubs” from TLC. Good times. The only person i would have shared my senior prom with, i wouldnt take back any of it for the world. The only person i enjoy taking pictures with even if it is just me and her…just for random, nothing special. The girl who talks to my mom, and probably could talk to her about anything. Ok not anything, that stuff she tells me but you know what i mean. I probably think about her everyday, why-ever it might be. The only person that will ride in her car or her with mine, even though weve almost killed each other a bigillion times. And we just laugh about it. Almost hitting a bunch of deer,l about 7 of them on our way to tyson’s house. Ive never seen that many, up close before, but i was with her. 
Shes the only person that knows somethings up even if i say “nothing”.
***Ill keep adding on, were gunna have lots more to come.
“Im gunna be here forever, so he just better get used to it”….”Like i said, your gunna be my maid of honor, in my wedding…” ….”Aw when are you going to get married???? Im already excited!!!”
^^ you can’t deny that that is the cutest thing ever. i had no idea she was even going to write it, it made my day when i read it.
“No One”
I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry ’cause
Everything’s going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything’s going to be alright
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry ’cause
Everything’s going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything’s going to be alright
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel
I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I’m telling you there ain’t no one
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
..this song, i felt too.. was towards both bryan & darrell. bryan because alls people would do is talk about one thing or another going on with us. then with darrell, after we broke up & started hanging out again.. i felt this was my song to him because i felt we really had a chance of getting back together.
but now.. i feel like this song is for me. you know.. “you & me together”.. thats me, i’m always going to have me. i need to like me for who i am & get to know myself before i expect to find happiness in somebody else. & “alls i know, is everythings going to be alright”. everything is going to be alright, everything happens for a reason, in the end, its all going to make perfect sense. “people keep talking, they can say what they like.” people will always talk.. some people live their lives based upon what they have to say about other people. there’s always going to be people like that. but again, all i know.. is everythings going to be alright. “no one, no one, no one can get in the way of what i feel for you”.. this is how i should look at myself.. i shouldnt let people get in the way of what i feel i need to do.
“when the rain is pouring down & my heart is hurting. you will always be around, this i know for certain.” i’ve got myself, if i don’t have myself.. who do i have? i have to believe in myself, before i can expect people to believe in me. “i know some people search the world, to find something like what we have. i know people will try, try to divide something so real, so til the end of time, i’m telling you there ain’t no one.” — there’s so many people that are worse off than i am, sometimes, i feel like i’m going thru the worst pain.. but things could always be worse. there’s always going to be somebody that can help me, because they’ve been in the exact same.. or similar situation.
i’ve got me.. i’m happy with me.
This song..
One Republic- “Apologize”
I’m holdin’ on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I’m hearin’ what you say,
But I just can’t make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down…
But wait…
You tell me that you’re sorry,
Didn’t think I’d turn around…
And say…
That it’s too late to apologize.
It’s too late…
I said it’s too late to apologize.
It’s too late.
Yeah!
I’d take another chance,
Take a fall, take a shot for you.
I need you like a heart needs a beat,
But it’s nothin’ new.
I loved you with a fire red,
Now it’s turnin’ blue…
And you say…
Sorry, like an angel
Heaven let me think was you…
But I’m afraid…
It’s too late to apologize.
It’s too late.
I said it’s too late to apologize.
It’s too late.
Whoa!
It’s too late to apologize.
It’s too late.
I said it’s too late to apologize.
It’s too late.
It’s too late to apologize. YEAH!
I said it’s too late to apologize. YEAH!
I’m holdin’ on your rope,
got me ten feet off the ground.
so.. that song. hmm. i was up at UNI staying w/ bryan; but i had a friend staying up there with us too, because it was UNI’s homecoming & i wanted her to go to the football game with me. after the game, me & nicole went to the mall & this song came on the radio & i said, “you know.. if me & bryan ever broke up, i could see this being one of our songs to eachother.” & nicole said, “shut up emily, like you guys will ever break up.” then bryan told me later that night that he didnt think we should be together any more.. & after awhile, i felt this song fit us perfectly. it really & truly was too later for him to apologize. & when i was hurting, i felt.. “i need you like a heart needs a beat, but thats nothing new“.
then.. just last week, i found out a bunch of stuff about darrell; i found out all this stuff he’s lied to me about.. & i felt that this was my song to darrell. if he ever tried to apologize to me, i do feel that i’d be completely clean with him & say, “you know, it really is too late to apologize.” i have yet to see d, & i dont plan on picking a fight with him or anything.. but i could never trust him ever again & i’d probably never be able to be close or hang out with him 1 on 1 ever again. idk.. things are just too weird.
like the saying says. “song lyrics are the words we cannot say“.
