“i’m going to be the girl that your ex girlfriend hates, the girl that your mom loves & the girl you’ll never EVER forget”

today.. i woke up at 11 & came upstairs, went to the bathroom & decided to jump on the scale. 129.4. how in the world do i keep losing weight? moms going to flip when she reads this & sees that i’m still losing.. but i AM eating. & no, i’m not doing drugs.

so.. i went & hung out with jesse today. of course when i got there, he had that “i dont care” attitude again. i wore shorts up there & a fitted tee. after a minute of me standing there, he looks at me & says, “you would” & i had a feeling it was about something i was wearing, but i just ignored it & sat down. we ended up talking about a lot. i told him i couldnt/wouldnt be with him if he kept accusing me of things & telling me, “we’re done”. & he said ok and that he wouldnt do it any more. he told me again that he wants to be with me, but he’s scared that i’ll hurt him.

at times, we kind of sat there in silence.. while watching tv, across the room from eachother. i asked him, “what are you thinking about?” & he just smiled at me. i asked again & he said, “you probably already know, so idk why you ask.” he walked out of the room, came back in (which would be behind me, so i couldnt see him) & he walked right up to me & just kissed me. for quite awhile. i was pretty shocked, but just took it in. & when we stopped, he said. “that. that is what i was thinking about.” heyy.. no complains here.

after awhile, we ended up cuddling & kissing more. i told jesse that i didnt want to have the type of relationship where we had sex, but were only friends. & he goes, “ok? so we don’t have to have sex then.” he sounded like he was surprised i had said it, kind of made me think he wasn’t expecting sex to begin with. & of course somewhere throughout our talk, we both asked the other if they’d been with anybody else. we both replied with “no”. so thats good.

i had noticed jesse’s ex gf brittany had kind of stopped talking to him on his fb & i asked him why. he said she asked him if she could go visit jesse in CR.. drive to his place from her’s.. which she lives in the QC. & jesse told her no, that it wasn’t a good idea. she asked why & he told me he had told her that he was thinking about getting back with me & that he still had a lot of feelings for me. apparently brittany said he was stupid for wanting to be with me again & then hasn’t talked to him since. that made me feel good. i never did get the feeling that brittany liked me, but hey what can i do about it?

while cuddling, i asked jesse what he meant when he said, “you would” when i had walked in the door. he goes, “you would.. walk in my apartment, looking all sexy” HA! thankssss. i replied with, “idk about that” & he followed with, “i do.” after kissing, jesse looked at me & said, “i love you.” ohh boyyy.. then just be with me already. of course i told him i loved him too.

he had made plans to hang out with friends.. so i was only there for about 2 1/2 hours, but i think enough was accomplished. jesse also told me that he wanted us to hang out more, like we use to. (not as much obviously, but more than seeing eachother every 2 weeks like we have been). & i agreed, so we’ll see. he now works thursday-monday & gets every tuesday & wednesday off, so that kind of stinks that we only have 1 day off together now. but hopefully it’ll all work out. he also told me to text him or call him later & before i ever had the chance to text him, he was already texting me.

i sure did miss that boy. him kissing me was like i fell in love all over again. seriously, after he kissed me, i couldnt stop smiling. i felt like a little school girl. haha.

..hopefully this one goes in my favor & we get back together!