again, i haven’t written in a long time, but i’ve really been thinking here lately.

its the first of october & last year at this time, i still thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with bryan; i still thought we had that “spunk” we needed in our relationship to keep it going. i knew it was hard with him being an hour drive away & we had been arguing a lot, but i still thought we had enough love & connection to keep our relationship going even though he seemed to be so far away. little did i know that he had probably already had the thought cross through his mind, more than once, to break up with me. to be “single” to see how life was because he “thought he might have missed out on something during high school.” during this whole time, i was oblivious, i thought things were great, we’d never break up.

its amazing how many things have changed since then. first & foremost, i feel i have gotten over bryan for the most part. of course i still care about him & probably think about him every day; but he was my first love & there may never come a day when i don’t think about him. second, i had altogether lost 42 lbs because of bryan. i dropped out of 2 of my classes at the time & then ended up dropping out my 2nd semester because i was having such a hard time dealing with the thought of us not being together. i have now gained back about 12 lbs, but i’m okay with that. its showing that i am happy again, i feel i am completely happy now for the first time in so long. in almost a year.

i’ve kept about the same amount of friends, but then i have gained friends. people have told me, “you were so bitchy when you were with bryan.. but now you’re so mellow & fun.” which of course makes me feel good. adam & i were talking about first loves & i told him it’d be a year me & bryan broke up in mid-october & he says, “a year already? wow, seems like that went by fast.” & you know what.. it seemed to take forever at the beginning, but honestly now looking back on it, even though i remember it like it was yesterday, this past year has gone by pretty fast..