here are the lyrics to my overall feelings towards bryan..
It’s been the longest winter without you
I didn’t know where to turn to
See somehow I can’t forget you
After all that we’ve been through

Going, coming thought I heard a knock
Who’s there? no one.
Thinking that I deserve it

Now I realize that I really didn’t know
If you didn’t notice you mean everything
Quickly I’m learning to love again
All I know is I’ma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn’t live without you
It’s gonna hurt when it heals too
It’ll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to
It’ll all get better in time

I couldn’t turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I’m dreaming don’t wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that’s the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn’t notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I’m learning to love again
All I know is I’ma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn’t live without you
It’s gonna hurt when it heals too
It’ll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to
It’ll all get better in time

Since there’s no more you and me
It’s time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I’ll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: x2]
Thought I couldn’t live without you
It’s gonna hurt when it heals too
It’ll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to
It’ll all get better in time

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

..this song, i felt too.. was towards both bryan & darrell. bryan because alls people would do is talk about one thing or another going on with us. then with darrell, after we broke up & started hanging out again.. i felt this was my song to him because i felt we really had a chance of getting back together.

but now.. i feel like this song is for me. you know.. “you & me together”.. thats me, i’m always going to have me. i need to like me for who i am & get to know myself before i expect to find happiness in somebody else. & “alls i know, is everythings going to be alright”. everything is going to be alright, everything happens for a reason, in the end, its all going to make perfect sense. “people keep talking, they can say what they like.” people will always talk.. some people live their lives based upon what they have to say about other people. there’s always going to be people like that. but again, all i know.. is everythings going to be alright. “no one, no one, no one can get in the way of what i feel for you”.. this is how i should look at myself.. i shouldnt let people get in the way of what i feel i need to do.

“when the rain is pouring down & my heart is hurting. you will always be around, this i know for certain.” i’ve got myself, if i don’t have myself.. who do i have? i have to believe in myself, before i can expect people to believe in me. “i know some people search the world, to find something like what we have. i know people will try, try to divide something so real, so til the end of time, i’m telling you there ain’t no one.” — there’s so many people that are worse off than i am, sometimes, i feel like i’m going thru the worst pain.. but things could always be worse. there’s always going to be somebody that can help me, because they’ve been in the exact same.. or similar situation.

i’ve got me.. i’m happy with me.

One Republic- “Apologize”

I’m holdin’ on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I’m hearin’ what you say,
But I just can’t make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down…
But wait…
You tell me that you’re sorry,
Didn’t think I’d turn around…
And say…

It’s too late to apologize. YEAH!
I said it’s too late to apologize. YEAH!
I’m holdin’ on your rope,
got me ten feet off the ground.

so.. that song. hmm. i was up at UNI staying w/ bryan; but i had a friend staying up there with us too, because it was UNI’s homecoming & i wanted her to go to the football game with me. after the game, me & nicole went to the mall & this song came on the radio & i said, “you know.. if me & bryan ever broke up, i could see this being one of our songs to eachother.” & nicole said, “shut up emily, like you guys will ever break up.” then bryan told me later that night that he didnt think we should be together any more.. & after awhile, i felt this song fit us perfectly. it really & truly was too later for him to apologize. & when i was hurting, i felt.. “i need you like a heart needs a beat, but thats nothing new“.

then.. just last week, i found out a bunch of stuff about darrell; i found out all this stuff he’s lied to me about.. & i felt that this was my song to darrell. if he ever tried to apologize to me, i do feel that i’d be completely clean with him & say, “you know, it really is too late to apologize.” i have yet to see d, & i dont plan on picking a fight with him or anything.. but i could never trust him ever again & i’d probably never be able to be close or hang out with him 1 on 1 ever again. idk.. things are just too weird.

like the saying says. “song lyrics are the words we cannot say“.

Now even though I try to play it off
I’m thinking about you all day long
And I can’t wait for shorty to come through
From your lips and back up to your eyes
My hands on your hips when we grind
I’m fantasizing bout what I’m gonna do to you
Got me fiening for her love, can’t lie
Man you should see how she got me
Spending all this time with her.
And I could leave her if I wanted to
Her love turns men into fools
Tell me what a man is to do

Oh no no I can’t breathe
Oh no no I can’t breathe (I can’t breathe)
Oh no no I can’t breathe oh no

– wow. so, that pretty much sums up how i feel about darrell. except for that i really & truly believe that i don’t love him. but thats just how he makes me feel, ever since day 1. crazy, huh?

tomorrow we’re suppose to meet up so i can give him back his stuff. he called me yesterday & asked if i had a cd of his & a few other things. he didnt seem like he had a lot to say, but he also didnt seem like he wanted to rush the conversation & get off the phone quick either. but after i got the point of what he wanted, i was like “mhmm. yeah. ok.” just short things, because idk, things are awkward now. after we had the talk about how he thought we should be “just friends”, i told him; “well when we hang out now, i dont want either 1 of us to be weirded out.” he goes, “idk, i won’t be weirded out. things won’t be weird.” oh really? because i’m pretty sure things have gotten to be a little more than weird. what i should say & what i feel towards darrell is pretty much what me & crystal talked about on the phone. crystal thinks i should be straight-forward with him & tell him everything on my mind. & while that is ideal, i dont think i have the guts to tell him everything.

..i just want a friendship out of him now. i just want us to be able to hang out like we use to, goof off, have a good time; laugh at eachother. you know? so, i don’t really know what all i’ll actually be able to say to him tomorrow; i think if its not much.. that i might end up writing him a message online, because i think we all know; some things are easier said in writing, rather than in person.

but the thing is too, that part of me wants to meet up with him; in hopes that we’ll be able to just talk. but the other part of me doesn’t want to meet up with him at all, because i know he’ll more than likely grab his stuff out of my car & be like “ok thanks. cya around.” that would be AWKWARD. point blank, half of me doesn’t want to do it. at all. crystal said if thats what he does that i should be like “so what? thats it?” because she said & i know too, that he would stop, turn around & be like, “what do you mean?” THEN that would start the conversation as to what i feel & all that. he always did tell me that if i had something to say to him, to tell him straight up because he couldn’t read my mind. that if there’s something i want to talk to him about, to do it; because he can’t read my mind & he has no idea when i want to talk. and again, all of that sounds ideal too, but part of me is scared that he just.won’t.care.

..idk whats going to happen; i guess we’ll just wait & see. as much as i hope that tomorrow isn’t awkward & as much as i hope that we get to talk & figure things out; i don’t expect anything. nothing at all.

<//3

The first thing I did when you said goodbye
Was sit myself down and have a real good cry
The next thing I did was put my red dress on
And go downtown dancing ’till the break of dawn

A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do
And now I gotta get to gettin’ over you
Too bad I gotta do it, with someone new
But a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do

Fancy meeting you at our stomping ground
Sorry if you caught me painting the town
Guess I shoulda stayed home with your memory
Baby don’t take it personally

A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do
And now I gotta get to gettin’ over you
Too bad I gotta do it, with someone new
But a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do

Give me a call some time real soon
And remind me to remember to forget about you, oh yeah!

A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do
And now I gotta get to gettin’ over you
Too bad I gotta do it with someone new
But a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do

A girl’s gotta do it
Yeah, a girl’s gotta do it
Too bad I gotta do it with someone new
Too bad I gotta do it with someone new
But a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do

good song.. & so true.