things are great..
..for me! i love how pretty much everything is going in my life right now!!
jesse & i are doing great. i spent most of the wkend at home, so i got to spend some time with the parents. i got a fat paycheck on friday. i went shopping saturday. kay & i are finally talking again!! & everything seems to be back to ‘normal’ with us. i love my job ..stessful at times, but i still love it!
so i went shopping on saturday & i wear a size FIVE in jeans now. thats pretty much amazing, i’ve always been a size 7 when i was thinner, last year at this time i was a size 11!!! its insane. i weighed myself friday morning & i weigh 136 even. i’m STOKED.
so thats whats been going on with me.
=]
update on the throat.
i’m getting my tonsils removed may 8th.
..9 days before mike & steph’s wedding. boy do i hope i’m feeling better by then! i’m most idk, paranoid i guess.. that i’m going to lose weight before the wedding. & i love my dress, i love the way my dress looks on me & i really don’t want to look too thin for it. or be too weak for the wedding.
i just hope i can eat normal & all that by then. i probably won’t be able to.. i told jesse that he’s going to have to make special trips to mickey d’s for shakes pretty much every day so that i can at least eat something. haha.
i’m not even going to be able to eat lunch for mother’s day! geez, what a bad time to get my tonsils removed. 😦
why?
ever just wonder ‘why’? i do.. a lot, it seems.
i wonder why about a lot of things, but lately i wonder the most about why i do this to myself.
WHY do i think about bryan when i have somebody that loves me as much as jesse does? its not even really that i miss bryan, its more that i kind of miss how we were. what i thought we had. idk. things are going great with jesse, i seriously probably couldn’t ask for things to be any better, but why does bryan always pop into my head? the times i think about him the most are when i’m driving to or from CR.. usually on my way home, just because my mind waunders when i’m driving. i think about a lot of things.
its probably because jesse’s my 1st serious relationship after my relationship with bryan. like sometimes, the things jesse says remind me of what bryan had said. or when we’re listening to music & a part comes up that jesse feels is how he feels towards me, he’ll squeeze my hand. & sometimes those are songs that me & bryan had talked about. IDK. its annoying me, really. point blank, thats what its doing to me. i dont know why i care, i don’t know why it matters.
everything happens for a reason, bryan & i didn’t work out for a reason. jesse may be the reason, he may not be. THATS ANOTHER THING!
..sad but true. i feel as though, i don’t always put my all into me & jesse. & i feel really bad because i know this really upsets him.. but especially right at the beginning of our relationship, i really liked jesse. but i kept telling myself, “if it doesnt work out, it won’t ruin me; bc it just didnt work”. kind of like i don’t put emotion into it. when i know i do, because i love jesse, i really do. & i know if we broke up, i think i’d be really upset, but then parts of me think i’d be like, ‘ehh, ok’.
idk what my deal is. 😦
my throat
..IS KILLING ME!!!
i hate it. im sick & tired of it. literally.
hopefully mom can get me an appointment tomorrow to figure out what the heck the deal is. i can barely open my mouth without feeling like my left tonsil is being split wide open. its horrible. 😦
that & it took me a half an hour to eat HALF a sandwhich. thats how bad it is, bc 1. i cant open my mouth & 2. its so hard to swollow! ughh.
i know, pity emily.. haha. but i just really hope we can figure out whats wrong with me this time around. because i’d really love to be able to feel ‘normal’ again. =/
writing..
mom says i need to write, so i suppose i’ll write. yes, 2 weeks after she’s told me to. =]
not much is really going on with me though, i work about 65 hours every 2 wks & when i’m not working, i’m with jesse.
things are going great with both work & jesse. work, i love my job; but i hate the fact that we’re always short-staffed. it just makes everything that much harder & i feel bad for the residents because they’re not getting that 1 on 1 time that they need. there’s rarely ever a time that i see my job as a ‘job’ but more so that i’m just helping people out & getting paid for it too.
jesse.. things are great with jesse. he treats me sooo good & we get along pretty good for the most part. sometimes we have stupid little arguments, but i think every couple does. we’ve officially accomplished our 1 month as of yesterday.. longest relationship i’ve been in since bryan.. HA!
speaking of bryan.. i’ve been thinking about him a lot lately. idk why really.. well i do know why; because this past wednesday the 9th, would have been our 5 year anniversary. BUT i’m saying idk why, is because idk why i’m letting it get to me, he’s got his gf, i’ve got jesse, things are GREAT with jesse. but i guess i just wonder where we’d be now & because we have so many memories together. i actually just dreamt about him last night. i had a dream that he came back for the summer & he asked if he could talk to me, alone. & that we did end up talking & he told me how much he wanted to be back together with me & how he had missed me so much, but couldnt find a way to tell me bc he was with his gf & i’m with jesse. IDK what that dream was suppose to mean, but it got me thinking..
what else, what else? i think crystal’s first baby appt is on the 16th. idk what you find out this early on, but i hope she’s preggo with a boy! i hope i hope. i want a nephew! 🙂
tomorrow.. i’m going shopping with jill & steph so steph can have me & jill shop for what she wants us to wear to her wedding since we’re her personal attendents. i’m excited, i love being all dressed up & pretty! obviously i wont compare to steph in her wedding dress, but still; i can’t wait!
..i think thats about all thats new with me.
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