“sometimes you have to forget how you feel & remember what you deserve.”
so, for some odd reason.. today has been the first day since mine & jesse’s argument last tuesday that i’ve actually sat down & not been able to get my mind off of him. idk what it is or why. its really bothering me tho. i really dont understand why.. jesse treated me like crap & always blamed me for things i didnt even do. its like he was trying to find ways to not be with me the whole time. & this time, this relationship; i know its not my fault. because i know jesse’s immature & i never should have thought that he was actually going to be ready for a long-term commitment. which is what i want, its what i always want.
matt said to me the other day, “you know, it seems like you’re out to find a forever-thing & nothing short termed.” & i said back, “yeah, short time is only fun for awhile; i feel like the short-terms are a waste of my time” he agreed. ugh its aggravating. i can’t stand it tho, WHY do i even care?
its exactly what the quote says, sometimes, you DO have to forget how you feel and you have to remember what you deserve, because i know damn well i dont deserve how jesse treated me. i just dont, nobody does. its not right.
..lately hanging out with adam has been amazing. we have so much fun, he makes me laugh. i love when a guy can make me laugh. adam has me laughing ALL the time; there’s never ever ever a dull moment with him. we can be sitting there, not talking about anything & i’m still having a good time. adam & i haven’t come out & told eachother we like eachother, but i’m pretty sure its obvious. duhh. we don’t always have something to say to eachother, but its never awkward either. sadly, i am excited to see what becomes of us.